Keeping the Love Alive in Times of Challenge – Episode 8

In Uncategorized by Jo Davenport

My three guests and I are excited to discuss tips and insights around keeping the Love Alive in Times of Challenge, whether that’s love in your relationship or for yourself. Together we’re aiming to raise the state of resilience, health and happiness on a global level. 

Nikki Rhodes is the Founder of Love Activation and co-founder of NZ Spirit.  Nikki, who co-parents five daughters, shares insights and tips for activating love within ourselves in order to show up for the ones we love, keeping it real and sharing honest reflections of conscious relationships.  

You can find Nikki here: https://www.nikkir.com/, https://www.instagram.com/_nikkirhodes_/ and https://www.facebook.com/nzspiritevents/ 

In this episode Nikki mentions:

  • Check your expectations.  This applies across your life, including the expectations you have as a mother and the expectations you have for your relationship.  Through internally resourcing and filling your own cup through checking your expectations, the expectations will start to drop down.  Meet your own needs and be aware of how you see holes around the place rather than abundance.
  • Foreplay starts the minute you part ways from the last time you were intimate, it’s not something you start doing 20 minutes beforehand to ‘rev-up’.   It’s a reminder to elevate and honour each other throughout the day.  When you feel heard, connected and seen by someone you’re open to change, be at your own in your body and to give yourself to another.  
  • We lose track when we stop prioritising ourself and our needs. Hopping into bed and to hold and to be held, should not be a chore, so explore how you might be overgiving and not leaving enough for yourself.  If you’re feeling that, it’s a big opportunity for self enquiry. 

Wynand Jacobs is a coach, author, speaker and father who specialises in working with married couples. He focuses on helping people to build strong and meaningful connections with themselves and the people that they love, lead or parent.  Wynand is also the Director of Family Life NZ. 

You can find Wynand here: https://www.wynandjacobs.com/ and https://www.familylife.nz/

In this episode Wynand mentions:

  • Take out some cold hard ‘insurance’ to warm up the love.  Because our brains are wired to remember the negative, relationship ‘insurance’ registers the positives.  So write down key moments/highlights and save your photos/memories to one place, and regularly cycle through the ‘reel’ to warm your heart and reinforce those positive memories to avoid gravitating to what’s wrong. 
  • Before you go to bed, hold hands and pray together. Wynand shares his story around his own marriage and faith, and how praying puts them in a different state of mind, taking attention off ‘me’ and moving the focus to ‘us’, God, a greater purpose and what they’re here to give. 
  • To love someone is a choice.  So when things get tough, instead of asking ‘how is this ever going to work’, reframe your thinking to ‘how can I make this work’.

Bridgette Jackson is a divorce/separation/conflict/relationship coach, qualified lawyer, certified mediator, has a postgraduate dispute resolution qualification and is the Founder/CEO of Equal Exes Limited and Equal Exes Online Limited.  Bridgette, who is a mother to four, went through her own complex divorce.  During that stressful time, she thought there must be a better, more positive way to get divorced/separated.  So she set up Equal Exes to create a less costly, less time consuming, empathetic process while still delivering fair and balanced outcomes for people contemplating, going through, or rebuilding themselves post-divorce/separation. Equal Exes Online then followed, an online divorce/separation platform that assists people navigate their separation/divorce journey, providing them with the privacy and support they need.  Ultimately Bridgette wants to ensure that others do not have to go through the same difficult scenario she did.

You can find Bridgette here: https://equalexesonline.com/Bridgette also has a FREE workbook that helps provide clarity around whether or not  to leave a relationship.  You can find it here: https://equalexesonline.com/workbooks/.

In this episode Bridgette mentions:

  • Do something that kicks up your adrenaline and arousal for each other. Try watching a scary movie together, go on a vigorous hike or try working out together at home, they’re energising and arousing activities, so see where it leads.
  • Touch is a love language for some.  Bridgette challenges each of us to go and touch our partner, because touch creates arousal, comfort and support on many levels. Hold hands when you’re on a walk together, hug and kiss, give daily embraces to each other.  Remind each other that you really are bonded.   
  • When you’re reigniting your relationship it’s important to shake things up, add some mystery and intrigue, whether it’s packing your partner’s bag for a mystery holiday or another surprise. Get out of your comfort zone and really love each other.   
  • If you’re getting divorced/separated, try and make it amicable for the sake of yourselves and for your children.   Remember the children are 50% of each parent, so don’t badmouth each other, particularly around the children.

Natalie Cutler-Welsh is your host.  She’s a speaker, author, Impact Entrepreneur and mother of three. Founder of Go to Girl Ltd and the Amplify Membership, and Diamond level doTerra Leader, Nat helps people to #UptheirBrave, say what they WANT & make it happen! 

In this episode Natalie mentions:

  • Process your emotions before they process you. Some people will be in the ‘frustrated’, ‘disconnected’ or ‘should’ zone, and healthwise that can turn into problems because they’re not saying what they want. So really feel and acknowledge those emotions and move towards how we really want to feel, which is loving, and empowered and positive. 

You can find Nat here: http://nataliecutlerwelsh.com/about/. You can also check out the other videos in the #UpYourBrave series here: http://nataliecutlerwelsh.com/video-series/.